Friday, 30 May 2014

Magicians... A Bunch Of Chancers.

I've been watching the telly again. Yes, yes, I know. I'm always watching the telly or lurking in public places in search of more juicy blog posts about the foibles of being out and about with the unpredictable British public. I just can't help myself.

This time however, I was watching a magician turning tricks on a busy public road to passers by who had slack jaws and a penchant for going "No way man..!" when something surprising happens. In other words, easy prey.

A pack of cards, sleight of hand and a posing magician inevitably leads to the question "Is this your card..?" So let's just stop it there and ask yourself a question...

You're in a public street with a magician, a pack of cards and a film crew... What on earth did you think was going to happen..? Of course it's going to be your card. There's no way on this little Earth that it's not going to be your card. Magic is just a load of old bollocks for the feeble of mind... So here's an idea:

The next time a man in a top hat and cape, followed by a film crew stop you in the street and ask you to pick a card, any card, play along until the very end. ( I should point out that it is just as likely these days that the street magicians are dressed in baggy jeans, sneakers and a hoody... Do not be alarmed. ) Either way, when the card is revealed and the inevitable question is asked of you, stare blankly at the magician and say with considerable gusto...

"Well, you fucked that up didn't you..?" Smile, then be on your way without looking back to see the deflated, yet confused street magician going through his pockets to see where he went wrong... It'll be a hoot. You won't make it onto the telly, but it'll be a hoot, and you can go home with a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

Don't give these 'magician' chancers the oxygen of publicity, that's what I say. Oh, and if you're going to practice 'magic' get yourself a top hat and cape, because nobody trusts a hoodie and i'm just as likely to mistake you for a street thief and treat you to a display of the Queensbury Rules.

Chancers... And another thing, stick to the local variety theatre stage and stop doing magic on public pavements. People start to rubber neck and you block the way, stopping those of us shopping for spam and hobnobs from going about our lawful business.

Paul Martin is @ukcameraman on Twitter.