What do you mean? That's quite a normal sounding shopping list for a man who walks the streets of retail therapy alone and unsupervised. Now I know that last time the Missus sent me out hunting and gathering for salad, quiche and baby potatoes, I did in fact come home with a play station, 2 games, a war film and an iceberg lettuce, but that's not relevant here...
What is relevant, is that people obviously think that we men, as a whole, cannot be trusted and as such, have invented the 'husband crèche,' where we can be kept an eye on by more sensible people.
I am appalled. It is a gut wrenching sign of the times where I, as a grown man of advancing years, intelligence and experience, can be treated as a child and must be reigned in. Inverse sexism is what it is.
I am a man, a hunter, maker of fire and provider of shelter and protection. But I am also a modern man, so I must compromise, share and be equal to the concerns of my other half. However, I must stand firm and take control of this situation without confrontation.
So this time, I compromised a pint of best bitter, a bar stool and the possibility of a meat and potato pie as she went shopping for the accoutrements that our family are really in need of... Like fresh food and cleaning thingies.
In the 'Husband Crèche' we discussed and philosophised on the important matters of the day, things like the price of beer, battlefield conditions for the modern infantryman and does a cheese toastie, beer and Toblerone make for a balanced diet..? We came to the conclusion that yes... Yes it does.
Can't be trusted eh..? Even Descartes or Aristotle couldn't come up with these deep and meaningful theories on modern man, and they were proper philosophers. A Husband Crèche, that's what they needed back then... Now, where's my meat and potato pie..?
Paul Martin is @ukcameraman on Twitter.